"Redefining Parenting: Embracing Positive Experiences and Better Communication with Kids"

Remember growing up and your parents giving you a particular look or adjusting their tone to show you they were "serious" about a task they were giving you or wanted you to change your actions right then and there. You just knew not to challenge their authority at that time.

From a child's perspective, facial expressions and tones can carry over positive and negative responses. They can either encourage or discourage a specific action that a child could engage in.

But how do we carry over the "serious" look and tone to a more positive experience where children adjust their behavior because of the positive outcomes that will follow versus the punitive measures that are sometimes taken?

Children seek out both positive and negative reactions sometimes. So, outweighing positive experiences from negative ones can shift a child's behavior to more desirable ones.

For instance, Johnathan always yelled when he wanted a specific snack, and his parents would yell back at him to stop screaming. Exposing their child to a negative experience. At times, when Johnathan came over and gently grabbed his parents' hands to show them what he wanted, and they praised this action, he was exposed to a positive experience.

If the parents desired more gestures and gentle touches over yelling for snacks from Johnathan, positive responses should be presented more often when the desired behavior is exhibited. When Johnathan yells, the parents should be encouraged to redirect him to the more desirable behavior. And deliver lots of positive attention to the more desirable one. Providing a positive experience is associated with positive behavior.

Good job showing me that you wanted a snack Johnathan!

We acknowledge that parents sometimes get frustrated and may deliver a reprimand. It happens! It is a part of some parents' parental journey, and honestly, it is often a norm observed when parents are children. They, too, experienced reprimands when they exhibited undesirable behaviors. So, it is understandable why reprimands and "serious" looks may be used.

However, one thing to remember is when a child is exhibiting a challenging or undesirable behavior, it is helpful to focus more on the behaviors that the parent wants to happen more often rather than the ones they do not want to occur. By giving more attention to the positive behavior, the child is more likely to engage in it in the future to receive more positive reactions. Especially if the undesirable behavior is getting less or no attention than it once was.

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